Well, the sun actually appeared this morning for a brief burst, and yesterday, I heard the distant chimes of the ice cream van so things are looking up. Very soon I shall be off to France, made the booking two days ago. Doing this always makes me nervous. It means that whatever thoughts and ideas that were in my head are now made real, manifested in the outside world. Things feel much safer when I can pick and choose in my head what I want to do, changing my mind, putting it off or fantasising, but it’s done now, I have printed off the ticket, it’s the point of no return. Why this causes so much stress is unknown because I make this trip 3 time a year and it’s always fine. Now I will begin organising rather than meandering through the days and I have a deadline to work towards. This is good really, I actually enjoy deadlines, the thrill and panic as it looms up and I do my best work under pressure, so why the anxiety I don’t know. But there’s more, not only France but I have to go to Holland on business in between, so I have to begin structuring my time, making space for my art.
This morning, I actually started to feel like writing again, ideas were beginning to seep into my brain again, where have they been hiding? I have missed them. Things are shifting, I can feel it.